Halycon Days

Things have gotten exceptionally better! The only bad things that have happened these past few days is that calculus test I had yesterday, of which I'm pretty sure I failed :/
I've rekindled my adoration for Patrick Wolf in my time of need, and have added Chris Garneau, Panic! At The Disco, and Mumford & Sons to the list. I mean, all of those people have utterly amazing music!
I'm even going to sonic tomorrow with Brandon, Jacob, and Lusia for dinner before our very first HOME GAME :) Its going to be exciting, especially since we have a drumline party afterwards over at Conrad's place.
The only thing that I could think of that even has a tiny chance to ruin this lovely mood of mine us Judas. He's just been bothering me today and yesterday about how he wants to talk to me about something. I don't really even care what it's about, I just hope it isn't something that would ruin this weekend. If it does.. Well then I guess that pretty much sucks. A lot. Of dick.
Anywhoodles, I'm going to re-join my English class, even though we have free time. I'll drop by again later!

I'm really, really tiny in the grad scheme of things, and sometimes this terrifies me. And I'm trying real hard. Not that it matters.

Mother

Shes just so awful.
I just hate it.
All this yelling and arguing needs to stop. She thinks I'm selfish, she thinks I'm a brat. I'm not selfish. I'm not bratty.
She's just very good at pushing my buttons. I think she's made it an artform.

A New Life

I'm watching Titanic right now. Rose kind of reminds me of myself... or maybe I remind myself of Rose. Either way, I can honestly see myself almost committing suicide because of the feeling of being trapped in a world that I don't want to live in.
Though, I don't think I'd ever actually commit suicide. I'd probably just leave and never come back, if push comes to shove.
Honestly, though. I hate all these schedules and familiarities. I hate knowing exactly what I'm going to be doing, and I hate not being allowed to be spontaneous. I can't drive myself anywhere, and I live too far out in the contry to be able to just call someone and say "Hey. Let's go do homework at some coffee shop downtown." The first chance I get, I'm leaving. I mean, I love my family and I would never put them in a position to worry about me. Of course I'd tell them that I'm leaving, but I just want to have that feeling of being on your own and not knowing what the day's going to bring you.
I want to be able to play music on the street for money and live off of that. I want to be able to meet people that I would have never dreamt of meeting in my entire life.
Though, in the same sense, a college dergree would be nessasary for me. So I'd probably have to hold off on this traveling experience until I have my bacholers degree, at least.
And now that I think about it, perhaps I can film a documentary about my travels. I mean, I'd already have a degree in filmmaking, so what better thing to do that make your first film a sort of video diary? That actually sounds like a really great idea.
I believe that I can be independant. I believe that I could spend a year or so traveling europe with nothing but a back pack, a ukulele, and a camera. And as Black Hat says in the film Priest, "I am the bringer of the tide..."

"Awake My Soul"

Dont you ever get those feelings when you just want to lay down on your bed and cry in sync to the entirety of Mumford & Sons.

Maybe its cause I'm on my period or whatever, but... well... I just want to go to sleep. or cry. or cry and go to sleep with Timshel playing in the background.

"I can't move the mountains for you"


Or ponder the meanings of I Gave You All


"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won."


But then the powerful song Thistle & Weeds starts playing with its lovely uplifting lyrics...

"But I will hold on, I will hold on hope."


 ...and you realize two things,

1. You're stupid for crying after the first day of school since you just got to see all of your friends that you havent seen all summer, you get to be excited and other junk like that.
2. Then, you figure that you dont really have a reason at all for you to be crying. No reason at all

So then the question comes up; "Why am I crying?"

Sadly... its an answer you have on the tip of your tounge, but you cant seem to spit it out. And the only thing you have to cope with you're inability to voice your theories is to pretend that it never happened. Pretend that you never felt like crap, and that your stomach never convulsed, and that your heart never clenched, and that you spent the entire evening watching Doctor Who and Tweeting and texting Sean instead of wiping drops of water and salt form your face.

Summer's Gone

The first day of school starts tomorrow morning. I don't know if I should be excited or deadful or both. See... People. That's why I'd be dreadful. But that's also why old be excited! Crazy, right?
Well... I'm just hoping that this year will turn out to be better than the past two years. I hope that my junior year is actually... Well... Memorable.

Evil Things?

Chilling with my lovely cousin, Marivel, right now. We just watched this movie called "Evil Things". Weird, but interesting.

Now we're just listening to music and discussing our love lives, since her boyfriend is going to college and my.. Love intrest is in Hawaii until he knows what he wants to do for the rest of his life.

I'm glad Sean is going on a mission of self discovery. Don't tell him I said this... But I think he kind of needs it. Haha :)